One score and many, many years ago, my writing baby steps took shape across the platform of fanfiction.net. When I was still too insecure and unsure of my own writing, fan fiction gave me a place where I could test out my voice, my plotting skills, pesky prose that would not leave me alone. It was the first place where I got validation for my writing, where I could see for myself that perhaps the universe had given me a talent after all, and I wasn't just here to exist as I'd suspected.
I was certainly no Cassandra Claire, but my fanfics garnered a decent following. People I didn't know and who didn't know me showed up week after week as I posted a new chapter, excited, clamoring, screaming, throwing up. And for a young writer such as I was, for someone who so desperately wanted proof of her own worth, this enthusiasm for my words was worth more than all the gold in the world.
Of all the writing projects I've started, I've completed very few. But there was one particular fanfic, back in those days, which had lit such a fire under me. Thirty-two chapters later, I'd done it. I'd finished my first novel-length story. The thing that was so elusive in the fan fiction world—a completed multi-chapter story—and I had managed it.
But at what cost? As the title of this newsletter suggests, I wrote the ending that everyone wanted. A happy ending with all its strings neatly tied up. After months of having these people show up week after week, cheering for me, after having fed off their excitement, I couldn't bear to upset them.
My people-pleasing habits, my fear of rejection, my need for validation all reared their ugly heads and backed me into a corner, and for the umpteenth time in my life, I gave everyone else what they wanted and ignored my own desires.
It would not be the last time that happened.
Many years would pass before I could give it a name and say that what I had done was people pleasing. It would be many years before I would work on myself and learn how to set boundaries, learn to speak up, learn to ask for what I want, learn not to care what others thought of me, learn that it didn't matter if others didn't like me.
And for that reason, I'm partially glad that I didn't take my writing career seriously until now. Do I mourn the many years I could've been a published author? The life I imagine I would've had if only I'd had the confidence to pursue it? Yes. Of course. One hundred percent. But confidence is the keyword here. The fact of the matter is, I didn't have it, and any writing career I would've had without it would've been a clown show.
I would've written only for the masses. I would've written what the people wanted. I would've sacrificed more than just endings. And the real me, the one who originally started writing because it was the first voice I had, would've gotten buried deeper and deeper under all that muck. I would've been lost, and that lengthy career I sometimes mourn would've had zero value.
Knowing who we are is probably one of the most important things we need to figure out before pursuing a career in the arts, maybe even more so when writing.
It's how we find our voice. It's how we figure out what it is that we came to this clunky earth to help decipher. It's how we know which feedback to accept and which to disregard. Otherwise, everything is noise, and the world is such that most people will take a piece of you if they can. They will prod, and they will claw, and they will try to force you into their own image with little to no consideration for your own voice, your ideas, your soul.
Art—whether you write, paint, sing, compose, design, etc.—exists because humankind has been on a journey, since the first dawning of the sun, to understand itself. We simply cannot do that by trying to fit into molds. The artist knows that the fire that burns inside each of us is as unique as a fingerprint. And what is the point of living and making art if we're just going to stifle that which has been brewing inside of us since day one?
It was only fanfic, but I regret not writing the ending as I imagined it to this day. For the obvious reason that I consider the ending I originally had planned—open-ended, with room for speculation, room for the characters to be something more off the page—much more fitting than the neatly tied up happy ending I ended up delivering.
In many ways, I'm glad that it's only now, in my forties—when I have the awareness to discern when I'm doing something for myself and when I'm doing it for others—that my ducks have gathered in a row to pursue this writing career that I've always dreamed of. This, too, is proof that everything is happening at the right place and the right time.
So when you set off in pursuit of a life of artistic expression, be sure to ask yourself endless times along the way: Is this in alignment with what I want? Is this true to the voice that lives inside me?
Practice it with everything you do. Practice with your coffee order. With the appointments you make to meet friends. With the choices you make in everyday life. I promise it'll get easier, and when you finally show up to the page (the canvas, the piano, etc.) you will have a better sense for the things you like, for what it is that defines your essence, the truths for which your heart is willing and ready to fight.
What's this? What's happening? What's going on?
If you've received this email and were confused as to what this is...Hi! It's Maria, previously from Substack's An Intuitive Light!
I've recently made the decision to move on from Substack and use a more stable platform for my newsletters. While I fear the loss of the discoverability that Substack provided, its foundation feels too shaky for me to remain on there comfortably. I need something that feels more sturdy and, well, mine. At the moment, that place is Kit which is where this newsletter is coming at you from.
But that's honestly the only thing that will change. An Intuitive Light will always remain a newsletter where I try to connect our art and need for expression to the parts of our souls that reach for it, to offer mindful ways in which we can give ourselves grace while we proceed on this creative journey. There will always be humor and there will always be heart and it will always be about art. (Like, do I even wanna talk about anything else? Uh, no.)
Changes at The Intuitive Desk
On theme with this newsletter, I've decided it's time to give way to my desires for my editing business. As of April 2026, I will no longer be offering copyediting or proofreading services.
Copyediting and proofreading presented to me at a time when I was looking for an out from my dead-end, soulless job. It was simple enough, and I was familiar enough with them that the skills were easy to slip into. But once I found developmental editing, everything changed. It was the most thrilling part of editing because it tapped right into my talents for seeing the big picture. But I kept on offering copyediting and proofreading because I had the skills even though I truly didn't enjoy them.
So I've decided the time is right for me to assert myself in my business. Line editing, Developmental Editing, and Manuscript Critiques will still be available at the following rates:
Guided Developmental Editing - $0.03/word
($2400 for 80k words)
Manuscript Critique - $0.018/word
($1440 for 80k words)
Line Editing - $0.023/word
($1840 for 80k words)
I will likely create a package in the future that will accommodate a Manuscript Critique or a Developmental Edit to also come with a round of Line Editing. (We would do the critique or dev edit, allot time for your revisions, and then implement a line edit.) But that is something I’m still working out, so stick around to find out soon!
Meanwhile, in novel-writing land...
My novel is still out for edits! To be honest, I keep having these swings where I'll think about my editor reading some cringe part of my novel and literally wanting to put my head in a hole in the ground. But on the other side of that is the part of me that's super excited to get it back and finally start tearing it up and start pulling through a better, more cohesive version of what I've handed over.
In the meantime, I've outlined two and a half novels. One is a novel I've been thinking about since 2009, but I never could let go. I've come back to it over and over again, but something was never quite right. The voice, the themes, the character arcs. But in the last couple of years, it's all slowly come together. Now I'm itching to start drafting it. I won't start working on revisions for my contemporary romance until June or July, so that gives me a pretty decent window to do some damage. If I've learned one thing from finally finishing this first manuscript, it's that I have to get it wrong first, and I'm ready to start doing that. If you're digging for treasure, you first have to spend several hours digging up some dirt.
The other novel is the sequel to my contemporary romance which is currently out for edits. Or not a sequel but a story that follows a character from this novel. That outline is a bit clunkier because I haven't discovered the full story yet, the motivations, the conflict. But the clunky outline will help me see where the gaps are.
Lots of exciting writing projects! This is the only time I wish I could clone myself so I could work on them all simultaneously, but then I'd be jealous of my other me's for working on projects that I'd like to be working on myself.
What's feeding my dopamine addiction in April
I’ve been on a serious reading slump this month. I can’t even remember the last book I read without having to look it up on Goodreads. Although, my sister and I are buddy reading It’s In His Kiss by Julia Quinn, the seventh novel in the Bridgerton series, and that’s been a lovely and enjoyable read, but I’ve tried to pick something else up in between and nothing is calling to me.
I did put in an order for a copy of Shark Heart by Emily Habeck, which is a book I’ve wanted to read for a long time. I’m excited for that to arrive next week and I hope it’ll be a win.
The husband and I are still trudging through Shameless. I think this is the longest we’ve ever spent watching a series. But we’re about to start the last season (eleven) and that'll likely take about a week. What a ride it has been. I don’t think I’ve cried as much with any other episode as I did with the season ten finale. If you watch it, you know why.
As for music—Happy Noah Kahan month to all who celebrate! Amazing how he timed the release of his new album The Great Divide right in time for mental health awareness month. Truly, this album is a masterpiece, if a masterpiece can gouge your heart out and then stomp all over it and flatten it like a pancake. It’s hard for media to make me cry, but this album ate me for breakfast, and I’m going to keep serving myself to it on hot plates with warm syrup probably for the next year.
Guys, the year is almost half done. We are racing towards something, and I have no idea what. I’m taking a few days off from most work-related stuff as I try to mentally prepare to receive my edits back in May. I think being an editor has prepared me for what I’ll receive/what my editor will say. It's kind of my first rodeo, but also not really. I’m ready for the constructive criticism. What I think will hit hardest is the overwhelm of the work ahead of me. But I knew this even as I handed it in—that my novel is quite far from finished.
I think at this point, I’m so ready to move forward with my novel that my editor could blatantly curse me out and I’d thank her for it. But I trust the developmental process, and I know it’s going to be great. You’ll be sure to hear all about it in my next newsletter!
I hope you have a wonderful month of May!
Until next time,
Hi there, I’m Maria! I’m a freelance fiction editor assisting women writers in amplifying their voices through their writing. You can find me on Instagram @theintuitivedesk and on Pinterest. Or visit my site www. theintuitivedesk.com to find out more about editing services.
