August was a tough month for me; I’m just going to come right off the bat and say that. It was the first month when I tried to sit down and implement the changes suggested during my novel’s developmental edit. And though I’ve been optimistic and enthusiastic, actually sitting down to pull them off proved something else altogether.
I was aware, prior to beginning, that it would be a lot of work. But preemptively knowing that something is going to be a lot of work versus feeling the weight of that work are two completely different things.
Tearing apart my novel and trying to put it back together, a la Humpty Dumpty, after nearly two years of daily work, after having had the mirage of a completed manuscript, to now have to go back to something that feels like being back at stage one, has been stressful, at times demoralizing, and heavy on the disillusionment.
To cope with all my doubt, I’ve been leaning a lot into meditation and yoga. And this week, while I was in the middle of a gentle practice, Adriene from Yoga with Adriene said something that lit a bulb in me and helped me shift my perspective.
“Move nice and slow. Enjoy each transition in and out of things. This time is for you, so enjoy your practice.”
Not ashamed to say I flew off my mat to type that quote into my notes app.
When she said that, at first I thought of transitions like the ones that happen in novels. The way that these can sometimes be the most difficult to write. It can sometimes be tough to wrap up a scene and then begin another one without some clunkiness. It’s something I’ve come across a lot during editing—having to repeatedly point out to an author where a transition is too jarring and when it needs some “smoothing out.”
And of course I’ve come across them as a writer, too. So I know how hard they are to write and how even after several drafts we can still miss some rigidity.
It hadn’t occurred to me to consider the space between every pose in yoga as a transition. And once Adriene put it that way, of course it made sense. Transitions are everywhere.
They’re the space in between. The moments or beats that tend to go unnoticed. No one talks about them when looking at the grander scope of things. When we pick up a novel, we’re there for the words. But in that blank space between one section of paragraphs and the next, something happened, whether its depicted later on the page or not.
The writer still had to think about the in between. The decision to leave those moments out of the narrative was still a cognitive one. One that I’m sure wasn’t always lightly made. For a novel to read effortlessly, these non-moments had to be carefully considered. And just because they were not on the page, it doesn’t mean they didn’t matter.
Similarly, I find that I’m in a transitional space right now with my novel. I’m in the in between. The blank space that no one sees on the page. Unless I talk about it, no one would ever know that this moment in time existed and what went on within it.
What’s been going on is that I’ve been incessantly moody, pacing the floor of my office, putting down words that sound atrocious, meaningless, passionless. What’s been going on is that instead of being excited to write the next scene, I instead approach it with a heavy sigh. What’s been happening is that even my husband noticed the grey cloud that’s been hovering over my head for the last month.
I didn’t see this coming. I thought I was going to blow right through my rewrites. I thought that because I knew what the changes were and that because I was feeling confident about them, that this stage of writing my novel would go swiftly. I thought that by the end of 2026 I’d have a sparkly, shining novel ready to move on to line editing and whatever else.
And I haven’t been going easy on myself. I haven’t berated myself, per se, but I’ve not been as accepting of my situation as I could be. Frustration is a word I’ve thought about on a daily basis since beginning rewrites of this novel. But just because I haven’t been calling myself a failure, and just because I keep reminding myself that I’m going to see this novel through to the end doesn’t mean that I haven’t been neglecting the mindful ease and gentleness that I intrinsically need during this stage.
I have forgotten to take deeper breaths. I have forgotten to pause. To allow myself to rest in the liminal, blank space of this transition. I have forgotten to comfort myself. To remind myself that, yes, this is normal, but it is also supposed to be hard and that is why it matters.
I have forgotten that this is the work.
The discovery of why one word works better than the other. The discovery of why describing a simple hand gesture can say more than a paragraph of one hundred words. The discovery of why a character standing across the street solemnly studying another is more poignant than having that same character cross the street to talk to them. The discovery of what lives in the dialogue versus what lives in what is left unsaid and the weight that each of those moments can have on the narrative.
In wanting to skip ahead and get on to the fun part where all I do is tweak words and make my prose pretty, I’ve forgotten that this transition is where my life as a writer is happening. It's where writing as an art, as a choice, as a dream, as a goal, as a career is happening.
This is me being a writer.
And is that not what I’ve always wanted and dreamed of?
Tree pose and half-moon pose look impressive in pictures. But how you move from one to the other matters. That is the practice of yoga. Finding inner peace enough to quiet down your mind and concentrate, finding the self-confidence to trust your body, to trust yourself to know not just that you can get there, but how you specifically will get there. Which muscles need to come into play, how your weight needs to shift, how the earth feels under your feet to know that you’ve the right foundation to go ahead. To know that before you can hold either one, a story full of stumbling and wobbling and falling out of the pose was an integral part of finally achieving the pose.
I am in that stumbling, falling-out-of-the pose phase. And I need to be gentler with myself while I’m here.
I generally don’t believe that I’m going to specifically enjoy this phase. I don’t think that the frustration will vanish, and I’ll start jumping for joy after having to scrap a scene for the thirtieth time. But I can remind myself to breathe through it all, to rest and let the moment be what it is. I can remind myself that this stage of getting it wrong is just as important as getting it right. You can't have one without the other.
I can remind myself that this is the practice of writing.
Transitions are hard, and they are by no means irrelevant. It’s hard to see their beauty when we’re in them. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t there. One day I’m bound to look back at the time spent working on this novel and I will see it then. And I will feel a certain nostalgia for it. So I’m going to try and be mindful going forward, perhaps not to love the moment but at least not to curse it as much. I'll do my best to remember that I am where I need to be.
What fed my dopamine addiction in August
The impossible has happened in August and I literally have no explanation for it: I read 6.5 books! Even stranger yet, I truly enjoyed most them! However, to keep this newsletter from turning into a novel, I’ll tell you about my top reads.
As an anniversary present, my husband got me Yesteryear by Caro Claire Burke, which he knew I wanted to read and which, unless you’ve been living under a rock, then you know this book has been much hyped. Someone said “unlikable character” and I immediately responded, “Sign me up!” And yes, 100% Natalie Mills is one of the most unlikable characters I’ve ever read. Her voice and characterization were executed perfectly. She’s so deliciously hateable. I was so concerned that this book was going to flop in the end but it had such a satisfying ending.
Then I read The Viscount Who Loved Me by Julia Quinn which is book #2 in the Bridgerton series and this had me kicking my feet and giggling. Kate and Anthony were so much fun to read about. Their dynamic almost reminds me of my husband and me—heavy on the lighthearted banter because roasting is how we show love.
Aside from those, I also read Don’t Keep Your Day Job by Cathy Heller; Change Your Paradigm, Change Your Life by Bob Proctor; How to Fake It In Hollywood by Ava Wilder; and The Lion Women of Tehran by Marjan Kamali. Some of these were short of five starts for me and others I had a lot of hope for, but they ended up missing the mark. I also finished reading Mad Mabel by Sally Hepworth, which was absolutely delightful! (That's the .5, if you were wondering.)
This month the husband and I also got into watching Adults. And honestly, is this this generation’s Friends?? It has a clearly defined cast of characters with chemistry that SIZZLES, unhinged storylines, and the humor is SHARP. It’s only on its second season which started at the end of August, but I already LOVE it.
(ETA because I typed this up last week: I have since binged both seasons, and I am now on a full rewatch, no break in between; this show has my full seal of approval. Watch this, or I will be at your door early on a Sunday morning asking if you have time to speak about Adults.)
The husband and I are also now making our way through It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia which we’d watched up to season twelve (I think?) a few years ago. Now we’re going to rewatch and catch up. And yes, if the show is comedy and irreverent (and of course well-written and acted) then we’re down.
Also, I’ve gone down a YouTube rabbit hole watching Katie Clarke’s entire videography. She’s a life coach who breaks down the processes of manifestation and how to erradicate limiting beliefs in such clear and cohesive language. I love her no-frills, no nonsense style of communication (I sense something very Capricorn about her). I’ve been studying the art of manifestation for over ten years now, and there are parts that I’ve only now finally understood thanks to her explanations. She’s studied all the greats (Bob Proctor and Neville Goddard to name a few), and it shows that she truly has a mastery of the subject. So if you’re looking to get into manifestation or want to more clearly understand the mechanics behind it, how you can break out of the box that keeps us tied to our conditioned circumstances, check her out.
Happy start to the BER months to all those who celebrate! I’m going to miss summer but I’m ready for fall. August moved at quite a steady pace I think, and I’d like to attribute that to the fact that I made time to make art every weekend since I returned from my crafting weekend.
Making time to make art on the weekends just for the fun of it, has been a really refreshing experience. Time has slowed down and it has interrupted the natural “Go, go, go!” rhythm that my brain finds so familiar but which I know isn't the healthiest.
Doing things without some bigger purpose has been a big lesson for me. To say that I’ve started trying to learn French again. I’ve started on and off throughout my years since high school, and I have a pretty basic grasp of it. But despite enjoying it, I’ve never stuck with it because, what am I learning French for?
The truth is I don’t know. I don’t know if in the future I’ll have some reason why I needed to learn French, or if learning French will lead me to some other path unknown linking me to something I can’t even conceive right now. All I know is that it brings me unmeasurable joy just to dive into this language.
Eager to see what the start of fall will bring, especially as I begin a new project that I'm super excited for and I can't wait to tell you all about!
Until next time,
Have you been looking for a cozy novel to dip into over the summer? Well, then, let me recommend my friend B.A. Franc's novel, A Daisy in Lily's Valley.
This is a novel full of heart and charm, following sweet and optimistic Emiliana as she tries to find her own space in the world outside of her mother's overbearing and critical gaze. It's a story about finding your power and learning to stand up for yourself, especially in front of those who'd like to mold you to their own will and for their own benefit.
If you're into quiet novels full of charm, set in quaint little towns, with food descriptions so vivid they'll leave your mouth watering, then you should pick up a copy of A Daisy in Lily's Valley. Get the paperback here, or if you prefer the ebook, then get that here.
Second-hand, lightly used books at really low prices!
Buying second-hand books is not only a great way to practice sustainability, but it’s also super easy on the pockets! My home library is quite modest, but with an appetite for books bigger than my five-foot-five frame, I need to keep the books rotating or I run out of space.
So check out my PangoBooks store for some well-loved, well-preserved volumes. I have quite varied tastes, so you’re bound to find something that sparks your fancy.
